it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
