I accidentally burped into my bong.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
