are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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