I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize