guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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