Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
