I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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