there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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