im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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