yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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