screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
