On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
