If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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