There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
