I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
