I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
