i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
