i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i would one night stand the shit outta him
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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