I just cut my nipple shaving
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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