I want to make a zoo with you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
