i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
