he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
