No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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