Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
