Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i will never coherently bang her
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
