he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
