Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
