wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
