the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Duck Duck Cougar?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
