You smell like stripper and shame
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize