DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
