just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
