they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just had sex on a roof
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
