Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
