i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
