Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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