Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
3pm strippers are depressing
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
