I could make wine with my vomit
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
