how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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