he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
