I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
