I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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