he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
