Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
