roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
