i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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