I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
