Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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