If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
