So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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