i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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