My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
