Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
