If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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