Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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