In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
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