I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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