Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
and you fell through a lawn chair
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
